By Nathan Rice

Businesses often pay consultants big bucks to review their operations. These consultants view a business with an outsiders’ perspective and provide feedback on things that appear to be going well while offering possible solutions to areas that are weak or may create problems in the future.

Sometimes advice from someone outside of a situation can be helpful. It is with a consultant-type view that I, someone who is not a father but who has worked with children for years, offer some thoughts to fathers.

The first thing I urge fathers to do is to be involved in the lives of their children. This may sound simple, but it is missed by so many men that it cannot be left out. The number of children without a father in their lives is enormous, and not having a father present does take a toll on children. In some cases, fathers are still in the home but spend so much time at work or focused on other matters that their children never get the attention they need or deserve.

I’ve worked with numerous children without fathers and, while many do not verbally share their feelings, I have seen and heard the non-verbal cries of children whose fathers have chosen not to be fully engaged in their lives.

Next, do not be afraid to get involved in the daily and routine duties of raising your children. We will never have the maternal instinct of mothers, but that is no excuse for passing all the duties of child-rearing to women. Learn the names of your children’s favorite cartoon characters and let them talk to you about them. Figure out how to best pack lunches or fix snacks. Hold her pretty princess purse while she plays, and put a Band-Aid on his knee when he scrapes it on the sidewalk.

Lastly, remember that fathers are not called to be their children’s best friend. Fathers are called to be parents. There should be times when a father is a playmate, but fathers sometimes slip into this role alone and fail to be parents. Children need fathers to train, develop, correct, discipline, support and teach them. The role of a father is unlike any other. It is a father’s job to raise his children. It’s a very different role from simply being a friend. Fathers should be loving and caring, but children need a parent rather than another friend.

As Father’s Day approaches, I would be remiss if I didn’t say thank you to all the men who are fully engaged in the lives of their children. I would also be negligent if I didn’t encourage all fathers to step up to the plate to fulfill their role as parents. I cannot say I have walked in your shoes, and I am fully aware that it can be difficult in a time when a majority of people are a part of a split family or a merged family. I’m asking fathers to step up not as a critical outsider, but as one who has heard the cries of children longing for their fathers. They need you.

Nathan Rice is a Hampton Roads native and can be reached at nrice@abnb.org.