At least in the minds of those aficionados anticipating the arrival of the game show restaurant by the name of Hooters. Game show because that’s what it is, the ladies are game to show off everything in the top drawer they can without causing a riot. We hear one is coming soon and it will be on Main, located where you could smell ham curing as you drove by. That facility is no more and what could be a more fitting replacement.

Some say that hiring young girls with such protective front bumpers is a gross form of discrimination…their largeness must stop a few inches above the belly button. There are plenty of attractive ladies whose largeness extends all the way to the ground…yet they are not considered for the Hooter position they refer to as hostessing. Surely they can easily handle a tray of glasses and club sandwiches. Down in Germany’s Bavaria I’ve seen all-over large gals in dirndls carrying ten mugs without spilling a drop-skinny Frauleins with an upper bulge condition are allowed to try out but are not up to an evening of such weight lifting. In less than an hour they have carpel tunnel syndrome.

In today’s world of specialization I see no harm in exploiting surprisingly shaped females who may adore being ogled and exploited. It’s a living, some say, usually those whose college degree failed them when applying for employment elsewhere. They are not all going to make it in Hollywood or on Broadway and probably deserve a shot at some sort of fame. They don’t have to go as far as some Playboy Bunnies do, these ladies merely float around beautifying the emporium, hopefully acquiring tips to enhance their pitiful pay. Everybody has got to be someplace.

I am afraid of the damage a place where endowed attractive ladies serve can do to other after-hour bistros. How do they compete with a place where wide-screen TVs blare sporting events and wide front girls parade in tanktops,

shorts and heels? There was no such place when I was a young lad but I’d have been there if there had been. Our only eroticism was the corset section of the Sears Catalog. The only other place I would consider better for a cold beer would be fishing on a hot day. Sadly nowadays there is no place for the young to gather for a beer that doesn’t also contain second hand smoke. In fact there are only a handful of eateries in town that don’t have a special &uot;death&uot; room set aside for those with suicide tendencies…but at least they are penned up.

My only other concern about Hooters is fraud. I have scolded our Director Of Tourism for what I refer to as &uot;fudging,&uot; dressing up the tourist brochures to enhance and embellish what would otherwise not be worth the trip or the price of admission. We will never know if what we see at Hooters is real or fudged….perhaps extra baking powder has been added to the muffin dough.

Maybe I’m wrong about Hooters coming to town but maybe not…it fit’s too well. The footbridge next to the highway bridge across the Nansemond is nearly complete. The Hilton on the Hill is nearly complete. So where do people go after their business at the Conference Center? I saw bumper sticker on a car that read &uot;Follow Me To Hooters.&uot; In the Suffolk case the only danger would be crossing Main. What the heck, maybe there will be a shuttle-bus running a dinner service. With all the new eateries in town, and more coming, there should be sufficient customers with a variety of tastes looking for a night on the town. Nobody walks anymore; if tourists and conference goers don’t know their eating options, business could be bad for some. Not everyone wants to play the guessing game at Hooters.

Congress has just created a new military medal. It’s called the Purple Ouch. There’s no need to see a medic, collect three and go home. These medals are light enough to be easily thrown over a fence.

Robert Pocklington is a regular News-Herald columnist. Reach him at robert.pocklington@suffolknewsherald.com