By QuaWanna Bannarbie

Are you familiar with the statement, “be careful of the company you keep”? As a child, I must have heard it weekly as I progressed from middle school to high school.

My crew, a mix of about six young men and women, used to hang out near the corner of my street on Park Row. Our house was on the corner. Yet, it appeared to my mother and other adults that we were “hanging on the corner.” To us, we were chilling in the front yard. This choice of a place to fellowship was not favorable to my mother. Later in life, I learned that my mother was not as concerned with the location of my gathering with friends as she was the characterization of my gathering of friends. Now that I am a parent, my mother’s admonition reminds me to be aware of the community that my own children gather around themselves.

My children have taught me that friendships are of great importance to them. That is how it should be. School provides as much opportunity for social development as it does for learning development. In children’s elementary school years, the adults around them model how to make new friends. After elementary school, our young citizens really begin to find their own tribe. For many of our youth, this process of “finding your people” seems to develop organically.

Perhaps they have young relatives who attend the same school. Several cousins around the same age in one school make for a solid start-up posse. Perhaps young people have classmates who attend the same church. School clubs, mentoring programs and athletic activities also provide opportunity for developing close relationships. All these examples are great means for young people to gather their own communities. Our children take great pride in the possession of their own peer group. If I were to offer any suggestion to guide our youth on this topic, I think I would change my mother’s admonition slightly. My revision would say “be careful of the company you attract.”

I have a sign in my family room that reads, “your vibe attracts your tribe.” It is a constant reminder that my character has plenty to do with the community around me.

Your character enlarges you. We like to think of community building as attachment that grows from the outside inward, much like bees are attracted to honey. It is just not true. Community develops from the inside outward. Because this is true, characteristics that are true of you will bring more of the same to you.

Proverbs 13:20 says “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

We need to teach our children to recognize their character comrades. Begin by helping them list their individual, unique qualities that they believe are true of themselves. Then ask them if there are others in their club, program or sports activity that have those same qualities. Prayerfully, your child can list two or more. Once they have their list, explain to them that comrades are people that share your difficult or challenging times along with you. Give them examples of what occasions may be rough at their age and how one of the ways they should be able to determine if the people on that list are real “character comrades” is if they have already stood with them during such times. In this way, you have prepared your child to gather wise friends.

The growing of followers via virtual communities has caused many of our children to lose sight of true, good fellows. The stronger the age of social media grows, the more important it will be for this young generation to recognize relationship over virtual reality. As parents and mentors, we need to help our youth make intentional choices about the associations they make. Whether we are young or old, we want to attract the right company as we build community. Proverbs 13:20 reminds us that character matters as to whether your community will grow or be shattered.

 

QuaWanna Bannarbie is an adjunct professor of nonprofit leadership and management with Indiana Wesleyan University, National and Global. Her children attend Suffolk Public Schools. Connect with her via Twitter @QNikki_Notes.