• Sweeps dirt under the rug?
• Uses his hairbrush as a back scratcher?
• When still in bed early morning and gets a phone call asking, “Did I get you up?” replies by saying, “Of course not.”
• Sometimes cries in the shower?
• Has a stash of cash somewhere no one else knows about?
• Has a stash of chocolate somewhere no one else knows about?
• Burps out loud and confidently when he is alone?
• Seems to never have enough money?
• Pouts, but would never call it that?
• Likes to pop bubble-wrap?
• Acts different just because he is in church?
• Steps onto the dance floor not sure what he will do?
• Feels his pants getting tighter around the waist?
• Has run up the down escalator?
• Imagines a shark nearby while swimming in the ocean?
• Is still afraid of getting a shot?
• Still wants to climb a tree?
• Sometimes feels insecure, unworthy, inadequate and unconfident but will go to his grave before letting someone know?
• Has an extremely difficult time uttering the words, “I was wrong”?
• Bites a Tootsie Pop within 10 seconds, just to get to the middle?
• Slows down when he sees a policeman, no matter how fast he is driving?
• Prays and sometimes wonders if anyone is listening?
• Has opened his eyes while kissing?
• Hopes his wife doesn’t read this column?

Rex Alphin of Walters is a farmer, businessman, author, county supervisor and contributing columnist for the Suffolk News-Herald. His email address is rexalphin@aol.com.