Murder is a crime, attempted murder is a crime, but what do you call it when a person is deliberately tempted to place himself in a position where one or the other could occur? I received a Christmas present from the Tourist Bureau in the form of a gift certificate from &uot;SKYDIVE SUFFOLK, INC.&uot; Now I have been called stupid, and I may look it, but how nave must you be not to understand when you are being baited. The certificate reads, &uot;Merry Christmas, stand by for the thrill of your life! This is the most fun you can have with your pants on. Your first Tandem skydive has been paid in full by Myles Standish and Skydive Suffolk.&uot; Well I know all about tandem and learned it as a kid when my snotty brother jumped off his end of a teeter-totter. I can just feel Skydive President Larry Pennington’s arms around me as we exit the plane at 2,000 feet, and then wonder where he went at 200. It’s true that Larry tandem-jumped with President Bush and brought him safely down, but George hadn’t picked on the City Officials. I’ll admit I was tempted to take advantage of their generous offer but my wife of 55 years told me with a dark look that she was not yet ready for widowhood. And there was an out – at the bottom of the certificate was this, &uot;Must be 18 and weigh less that 210 pounds.&uot; I am 60 years past 18 and 10 pounds over the limit. Nice try, Lynette.

A younger President Bush is now in a better political position to make things happen up in D.C., which could also stand for Deliberate Confusion, and will attempt to corral the drug companies’ efforts to keep older citizens broke. One drug company tactic has been to file multiple patent-protection lawsuits that can stall the production of less expensive generics for years. Bush plans to limit the brand-name manufacturers to a single 30-month delay per drug. This will help, but you must be informed to prevent the drug makers from sticking it to you another way. Take Claritin, a very heavily advertised drug to prevent allergies, which will soon become an over-the-counter item, generic, costing about $10 a month. But the Claritin manufacturer, Pfizer, will bring out a new prescription drug called Clarinix with the same ingredients, advertise the hell out of it, and sell it for about $80 a month. If you are hooked on brand names you will be shafted again. Ignorance is costly.

I’d like to better understand our system of justice and I try my best to comprehend the sentences that juries and/or judges had down from their high chair, or is that highchair? Eugene E. Griffin Jr. was handed five life terms plus 65 years. Now how in the world is he going to serve that? Does it make people feel good to levy such terms or is it possible they think they can nail him the next four times he is reincarnated? Supposing he comes back after his first death as a baboon; will he then be placed behind bars in a zoo where we can stick our tongues out at him? I guess that would be more humiliating than being tucked out of sight in a federal prison with his own room, TV, and a chance to appear as lead guitarist in a prison rock bank. I hope his fellow prisoners are as sympathetic toward him as I am, and as ravenous as he is.

After 21 years of never having failed to pay local taxes on time I fell victim to the local relentless ironclad Treasurer’s office. Yep, I tucked the twice-annual tax bill in my file and forgot it. Seven days too late I remembered, called downtown, and was told my gross thoughtlessness would cost me nearly $200, $28 for each of the seven days I was late. One day late costs you 10 percent of your total tax and they nail you a healthy penalty each additional day. I can’t argue with the law but I sure can complain about the hard-hearted vampires who made the unbendable rule. Was it our Council?

What if some poor soul had been in an accident and paying taxes was the last thing on his mind while he went broke in the hospital. Or a family member had died and emotion prevented thinking about anything. I have no excuse but often there might be extenuating circumstances. A month being late would have cost me $840. I thought they were crooks downtown when they tyrannically decided we all must pay half the tax in advance in June. Then they could earn the interest on the money instead of the taxpayer. But I should be grateful that I had paid half in advance or my mistake would have cost $56 per day late. Maybe &uot;ghouls&uot; is too harsh a word but perhaps it is time to build a little humanity into the rules. Wow, like a reasonable grace period, then exact the cruel penalty. C’mon Council, get on the side of the people who put you there.

Robert Pocklington is a resident of Suffolk and a regular columnist for the News-Herald.